Relapse is Part of Recovery - I got this

Most of us have heard about relapse in people who are in recovery from addiction, or from certain diseases.  Relapse is defined as "a deterioration in one's condition after a period of improvement."  Well, as I've recently discovered personally, relapse occurs in our mental health recovery, also.  Quick heads up:  this is going to get personal.  

I've realized that you can get a little over confident in your own journey, but then, as always, life has its way of forcing you to stop and take notice.  Often, with relapse, there are warning signs that something is going wrong.  With physical disease, this might be recurrence of symptoms.  In my own depression relapse, I started to notice weeks ago that I was feeling more frustrated and angry, more frequently.  I was also feeling more and more exhausted, where all I wanted to do was curl up under the blankets with only the heating pad and dogs for company.  I noticed these things weeks ago, but never really put any thought into it.  Honestly, I put it down to the weather and covid.  But interesting, I've been saying, for months, that I know the stress of covid and quarantine must be affecting me... I just wasn't consciously aware of its effects. "LOL," says life, "hold my beer..."

And then life chucks me over the edge. 

Suddenly - (maybe it wasn't suddenly, but it felt sudden), I was waking up in the morning feeling low, and unable to pull myself back together before leaving the house.  I found myself really not wanting to leave the house, not wanting to exercise, not wanting to be around people, and craving junk food and naps.  I should have known better.  I have knowledge, and I have skills.  I've been talking about change, stress, and coping skills to our students for months!! Yet, here I was, ignoring all the signs that I was attempting to teach our kids to recognize. 

 A disease or disorder will fight like hell to stay in control.  So, I, we, the soldiers who are willing to keep fighting back, must not let down our guard.  It's just like keeping up with cancer treatments, or physical therapy.  We have to remain alert, and be ready to respond when we notice that our souls need attention.  Certain disorders are more prone to relapse, anxiety and depression being two of them.  And, what do you know, increased stress is the first on the list of "triggers" that can chip away at the strongest of foundations.  I should have known when I saw the calendar flip to February, that a head - on collision between my winter blues and pandemic fatigue was about to occur.  It was the proverbial perfect storm.  As exhausting as it is, I know that it's my responsibility to pick up the pieces and restore balance.  And I can.  And I will. I will use my old, faithful coping skills... music, meditation, exercise, photography, ecotherapy, pet therapy, and rest. And this will be one more experience that allows me to grow.  

Spoiler alert... It's always me who's The One I can change.  I'm The Only One I can change. To attempt to go any further than that is to be out of my business.   

So now, I'm going to stay in my lane and get back to my own business, which is to heal myself.  You can't help someone else to breathe unless you put your own oxygen mask on first.  Take care of you.  💖