The Push

The summer before my oldest left for college was filled with excitement and high expectation.  He was so ready... he had done well in high school and had initiated the college application process by himself.  He knew what he wanted to do and couldn't wait to wave goodbye to his small hometown to head to the city.  The World was his oyster!  I was so excited for him that I didn't even cry when I dropped him off... just took him out to Primanti's and headed back up the mountain. 

My day of reckoning came over Halloween weekend of that first semester.  I had the brilliant idea to take the girls to see a college women's soccer game and to hang out with their brother.  He told me he had plans, and I non-chalantly told him that was fine, it wouldn't bother me.

It bothered me.  

That weekend I had to face the reality that my kid was grown, had his own life, and I really didn't belong in the middle of it anymore.  Let me tell you, there was a grieving process that included aalllll the stages from denial, to depression, to acceptance. It was a journey, for sure. 

Two years later, I was better prepared to send off the second, college - bound offspring. She was a little easier on this momma's heart, however.  She was more reluctant to leave home, and she called often, so I still felt that there was room for me in her world.  

This summer, I've been trying to wrap my head around our pending empty nest, as our youngest is now happily getting ready for her own departure.  While I'm very excited for her, and I feel like I have some idea about how letting go feels, I'm trying to prepare myself for it to be worse than I think it's going to be.  This is yet another item on the long list of things that Covid has changed; the relationship between me and our youngest. We've spent way more time at home, and we've completely leaned on each other through the past 18 months of unknowns, health scares, social isolation, and political unrest.  A pandemic changes things.  I'm honestly having difficulty even imagining how the house is going to feel without her home every night.  Consequently, much of my thinking time this summer has been spent trying to be planful and intentional about how I will handle being an empty-nester.  One thing I do know is that being intentional will be the key to my emotional survival.  

Coincidentally, I noticed this piece of advice lurking on Instagram this morning, and I can't think of anything more apropos:

So, here are some of the lessons that I've stashed away over the past six years that I believe will help us all through this next transition, and will help me to fill my life with life:  

Even great change is change, and all change causes stress. Therefore, I will be intentional about practicing all my go-to stress management techniques:  Good nutrition, exercise, meditation, ecotherapy, adequate sleep, laughing with the hubs, and plain old couch time.  

Having grown up kids means fewer kid-related activities & obligations, which means more Me-Time.  Rattling around in my brain are echoes from other empty - nesters, rejoicing, "I finally have time to do what I want to do!"  In fact, this was Meg's response when I asked her what I was going to do with all the extra time on my hands: [shrug] "I dunno.  I guess you get to do all kinds of things for yourself, finally." She's a wise soul, if not eloquent...  So, yes, I've been generating a list of things that I might like to do now that evenings and weekends are going to be free(er).  Camping trips and more time at camp and in the woods are on the list, as is, oddly enough, lap swimming. 🤷  

Staying socially connected is imperative to both mental and physical health.  After this Covid year+, many of us have gotten out of the habit of being sociable.  And many of us - ✋ - might have even come to like it that way.  But being connected to other human beings is so important to maintaining both mental and physical health.  I might not always feel like getting my dress-sweats on and heading out, but I've never once regretted time spent with friends.  

When the kids invite us into their lives, the answer is always going to be, "Yes!"  I don't care what it is (as long as it's legal). If they invite me to do it, I'm doing it. Over the years, this has included college kid hosted tailgates, trampoline parks, long, expensive days at Kennywood, ghost tours, axe throwing, and now they're threatening to drag us to Top Golf. Do you know how many parents are just hanging on, waiting to be included in their kids' lives?  The answer is a resounding "YES."

I think those four focus areas should be enough to keep me fairly well balanced in the coming months.  Our job is to give them wings, right?  To let them learn to fly, and then to watch them soar?  As much as they are out there finding their purpose, my purpose is going to change one more time.  As I was trying to pull this all together to make sense of it, I flashed back to an in service day more than ten years ago. I've now watched this story at least fifteen times today... 

 I'm going to need the push, come September.  I'm going to need to be urged to get myself out there and fill my life with life.  Equally, I'll need to give the push, and it will be hard.  But it will be worth it to watch her soar.

During these tender moments, be sure to take care of you. 💖