I'll Be Over Here Decluttering.

 

Some time ago, a friend posted this quote to social media, and it immediately struck me as something I needed to think about.  It's undeniable that I have some clutter lying around.  I mean, if you've been in my garage, or looked at my kitchen table lately, then you certainly know this.  I do have some emotional difficulty getting rid of stuff, but after considerable contemplation, my accumulated clutter is not made up of stuff alone. With some focused energy, I could easily do a sweep of the house and get rid of all the physical unnecessaries; the stack of junk mail waiting to be looked at by the addressee, the used water bottles waiting for the opportunity to be re-used, Meg's "thank you note station" that's still on the kitchen table even though she's been moved out for three weeks.  It's the NON-physical clutter that causes me difficulty.  

Non-physical clutter, social-emotional clutter, if you will, is as restricting, if not more so, than the junk lying around my house.  The unnecessary junk clogging my brain causes me to feel burdened and imprisoned.  Clearing out that clutter is not as simple as walking through the house with a trash can, but it can be even more liberating.  The thought of throwing away old ideas and opinions, detoxing my social life, and replacing bad habits with better habits is daunting, and definitely should not be tackled all at once, but I have some ideas.  

At school, I'm working with the kids on emotional self-awareness and self-regulation.  They don't understand exactly what that means yet, but the first task is awareness.  We must be able to identify what we are feeling at multiple times during any given day.  When it comes to social-emotional clutter, I must be able to identify what is weighing me down.  Then, I have to focus on letting it go, piece by piece.  

One of the old ideas that I have struggled to let go of is that I am, at least to some degree, what other people think I am.  Let me tell you, age and life experience really helps to get rid of this personal misconception.  Some time ago, I wrote about the quote, "what other people think of you is none of your business."  In recent years, I have really been able to internalize this idea, whereas, as a younger person, the opinions of others mattered to me a whole lot.  I started to let go of that concern when I was working with middle school students.  They would come to me very upset about something that someone believed about them.  "Everyone's saying I'm a liar." [insert any of a million possible insults] 

Me:  Are you a liar?

Kid: No!

Me: Do you know you're not a liar?  Is it important that you know that you're not a liar?

Kid: Yes!

Me: Do the people you love and care about know that you're not a liar?

Kid: Yes!

I would then talk to them about this issue to try to help them to understand that we are not who other people think or say we are.  We are who we KNOW ourselves to me.

I am who I KNOW I am.  If I am satisfied with who I am, if I am confident that I am living according to my own high standards and being the best I can be right now, then that is exactly enough.  

I can't say that I am burdened by any toxic relationships these days.  I have always been fairly quick to step away from people who seemed to only contribute negativity to my life (high school not included 😢) In fact, negativity is a huge trigger for me, and I will always, and to a fault (just ask my kids), counter negativity with a positive statement, even if I don't really buy it.  Toxic people are exhausting, and it really doesn't take long to realize that getting away from them gets you feeling better in a hurry. Disengaging truly is as simple as walking away - no guilt allowed. I try to seek out relationships with people who enhance my life experiences and make me a better person. My quality of life is largely due to the quality of my relationships. 💖 

Replacing bad habits with good could be a post all of its own.  This is, by far, the clutteriest clutter to get rid of.  It's the most burdensome, and the most restricting to my social-emotional well being.  It is said that it takes approximately 66 days to turn a new behavior into a habit. I'd take that a little further and suggest that it would be 66 days of doing that behavior consistently, every day.  It's hard to create a habit of something that you can put off until the next day.  The other thing about ditching a bad habit is that you have to want to be rid of it.  For example, I have a hefty coffee habit.  I have no intention of throwing that in the proverbial trash.  Thought patterns can be habitual, and those are tremendously hard to break.  Replacing a negative or unhealthy, and consistent thought pattern takes a whole lot of self awareness, self regulation, focus, and practice. Like I said, it could be a post all by itself.  Another time, perhaps.  

Until then, take some time to consider some simplifying. Focus on what you truly need in your life, and disregard the unnecessaries. I guarantee you will feel lighter and freer, and you will not look back.  

 

Take care of you.  💖

**ETA: If ridding yourself of bad habit clutter is what's holding you back, I'd strongly recommend seeking help. A good therapist can help to guide you so that you can be rid of, or replace that habit or thought pattern, and be on your way to a de-cluttered mind. Reach out to me privately if you feel you need assistance with this.