Growing Old Disgracefully

I turned forty in 2007, and declared that my 40's would be "The Decade of Me." By this, I meant that I was determined to spend more time pursuing my own life, and wean myself from devoting all the minutes to the needs and requirements of others.  There were some who might have been a tad judgy over this announcement, you know, thought I was being selfish.  After all, I was a mom!  That's more important than anything, right?!  Fortunately, however, my family wasn't judgy at all.  They all indulged my developing need for autonomy, went along with it, supported it, even encouraged it.  That's important. 

I loved being in my forties!  My kids weren't babies anymore, so they were less dependent on me for everything. I was still young enough to feel young. I was less exhausted, and felt more capable in all areas of my life.  I hit the ground running (literally) with distance running, and developed friendships and interests outside of being a mom - a role that had defined me for over a decade already.  It's entirely possible that this was my midlife crisis 😂.  Indeed, my feelings and behaviors did seem to fit perfectly with Erikson's stage of development known to us in the trade as "generativity vs. stagnation:" Meaning, we either get going and get productive, or we grind to a halt. No way did I have any intention of stagnating.

If I thought my forties were cool, I was totally unprepared for what my fifties would bring.  Oprah Winfrey turned fifty before I even made it to my forties, but I paid attention, and I distinctly remember her feeling fabulous: "At fifty, you know a lot more than you did when you were 25," she said, "so you can use all that stuff you didn't know to propel yourself forward.  I feel like turning fifty is everything you were meant to be in your life."  YESSSS!!  I totally get this!  I just feel different now that I'm fifty (two).  Not only do I feel like a completely different person, I feel like my world is different, too:  I finally know who I am, I know what I want, what my priorities are, what I believe in, where my passions lie, what makes me tick...  I know what's not important.  I also know that all of this, all of my self awareness, will continue to change and evolve.  I will never stop growing!

All of this aligns perfectly with Dr. Robert Kegan's theory of adult development.  Kegan developed a theory of psychosocial development based on the concept of transformation.  Not that we change who we are or what we do, exactly, more that we change how we understand and interact with our world.  As we transform to the "higher" stages, we learn to self define, rather than be defined by our roles, or by the expectations of others, and that those definitions will constantly evolve.  I CAN'T WAIT!

So, I don't worry about aging. I mean, I'm not fond of the wrinkles, or the effect that gravity has had on a few of my parts.  But, I don't feel any need to slow down, "act my age," be appropriate... I just want to keep going with a sense of fun and optimism. I want to keep running, climbing, playing, and breathing it all in. I encourage you, too.  Go find that fountain of youth that is inside of you, and if our travels through adulthood end up being a little disgraceful, then so much the better. 

Take care of you.💕

(PS.  Dr. Robert Kegan is a psychologist and professor at Harvard School of Educaiton. If you'd like to read more about his work, check out this article:  https://medium.com/@NataliMorad/how-to-be-an-adult-kegans-theory-of-adult-development-d63f4311b553 )