If I could write a letter...

In preparation for writing this, I looked up the lyrics to Brad Paisley's "Letter to Me," and just a few of those lines had me quickly choked up and teary - eyed.  I'm totally a sucker for a good heartstring-pulling song lyric...

If you could have a good, long, heart - to - heart with your younger self, what would you tell you? Two of my kids are in their twenties now, and I find myself having to (try to) refrain from constantly momsplaining all the things.  Not easy for me to refrain, and, ask them, they would probably tell you that I don't.  Anyway, I got to thinking about this song and about what I might say to a younger me.  Indulge me, won't you?

We've all experienced hardship, unfortunately, some experience more bad times than others do.  It's true what your mama always said, "life's not fair." When we're in the middle of adversity, it's easy to become convinced that we are cursed, that this is *just my luck* or *just my life.*  It isn't.  There are always better times coming.  It's just how the roller coaster goes.  I'd tell the younger me to hang tight, and reach out.  Ask people for what you need, and accept when they offer. 

The way I see it, emotional pain is chemical change for humans.  I mean, pain really can change who we are, our composition, if you like.  I've seen it go both ways, but hopefully pain changes us for the better; makes us softer, more compassionate and forgiving, more tolerant, and less judgmental. I'd tell the younger me to use that pain to become a blessing to others. 

I don't know about you, but over the course of my life, I've had a tendency to catastrophize.  I can take a little molehill and turn it into a giant mountain.  What I've learned is that molehills can easily be leveled out, and even mountains can be conquered.  There aren't many problems in this world that can't be figured out.  Think about it for a minute in terms of all the landscapes you've had to travel. I'd tell young me that it's all gonna be ok.  It really is.  

Now, this one took me a while, and this particular quote saw me through a lot of worries.  Apparently, I'm a slow learner, because some of my worries stuck around for a long time.  It's true, though.  As the lesson slowly sinks in, the problem fades.  Sometimes it returns for a little while, just to keep us humble.  I'd tell the younger me, it's OK, you'll learn eventually, but understand that you've got to be receptive to the lesson.  

This is a big one, a HUGE one. As a twenty - something, I sacrificed a lot of years to "I'll be happy when..."  And I mean, YEARS...  I'll be happy when I get a job, I'll be happy when I get married, when we have a house, when we have a baby, when we have more money, when the kids are older...  I'm telling you, YEARS! That was when I believed that happiness was something to be found with the right person or the right job or the right social life.  In truth, happiness is something we find within, it's something we become. The key is to love your life as it is, today. Just enjoy yourself. Do work that you love, engage in play that you love, love your people.  (And, newsflash, your people won't be perfect, but that's ok because neither are you. ) We have today, and that's all. If you are not happy with today's life, search within.  I'd tell younger me to look inward and adjust as needed. 

One of the best things about being a human is that we get to keep learning and growing throughout our lives.  Through adversity, through pain, through conflicts, and through resolution, we grow.  We experience more, understand more, love more, and as a result, we have more to give.  To the young me, I'd say, get out there, push through all of that dirt, and GROW!

Listen, this is the key to building good relationships.  Responding to others based on our own view of the world isn't going to work.  The problem is that we can't see a situation from someone else's perspective. It's tricky because we can end up hurting someone we meant to help. Of course, it's unintentional, and we may defend ourselves... "But I didn't know...!"  But that's the point.  We don't know.  We can't know, unless someone specifically lets us know.  So, therefore, we have to always be aware that everyone has had experiences that contibute to how they understand and interpret their world, just as we do. Awareness and sensitivity, that's all.  To my younger self, I'd say, "Be good to people.  You just never know."

Before I got married, someone at my church gave me a book called, "Love is a decision."  My confession is that I never read the book (I did read the back cover), but I got the point, and I never forgot it.  Love isn't something that we fall in and out of, it's not something that just happens to us.  Love is an action.  While I do believe that we decide that we are going to love someone and commit ourselves to a relationship, I prefer to think of it as a choice. We choose to love. We choose to fight through.  We choose to work to keep it.  We can also choose to quit.  25, 50, 60 years of marriage doesn't happen without hundreds of choices and decision making moments.  My words to young me?  Love is a choice.  Joy is a choice.  Peace is a choice.  Choose wisely.  

Finally, those lyrics from Brad Paisley's "Letter to Me" that made me tear up...

"I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be."

"PS. Go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can."

"And I'd end by saying have no fear

these are nowhere near

the best years of your life..."

Take care of you.💖