Happy Love Day to Me


There are a couple of those days on the calendar that conjure up tremendous expectations in our imaginations, in anticipation of the perfect celebration. One of those occasions is New Year's Eve - which I basically gave up on when the babies arrived.  Another is Valentine's Day.  Who among us hasn't spent a Valentine's Day feeling sad, lonely, dejected, or disappointed?  We create images of spending Valentine's Day with the perfect partner, going on the perfect, romantic date, and receiving the perfect, romantic gift.  If we don't have a person, the whole day may just feel like a fail, anyway, and we end up dreading its arrival.  If we do have a person, and the day still doesn't meet or exceed our expectations... that can feel even worse.


Look, there is nothing greater in life to celebrate, than love.  In my mind, love is the be all and end all. The problem, is that we insist on putting this commercial, romantic spin on the purest of emotions.  In truth, we do not need romance to be fulfilled in love.  You may have even heard it rumored that it is impossible to unconditionally love another unless we unconditionally love ourselves first.  There are infinite ways to feel the love, not only on Valentine's Day, but also in life.  But, it all starts with self love, and self compassion. 


Learning and achieving self - love can be awkward at first.  We are not used to prioritizing ourselves.  We are taught to be modest and "selfless," although I will argue every time that self-love and self-care are NOT selfish!  Why not practice loving yourself this Valentine's Day?  Make it the Valentine's Day you've always dreamed of!  I've suggested before that as well as an emotion, love is an action.  Love is a decision, and a commitment.  Just as we commit ourselves to loving another, we can commit to loving ourselves.  Thinking in those terms, having a Happy Valentine's Day becomes something that we decide to do for ourselves.


Some suggestions...

If you have a person with whom you want to share this day:
.... Tell them what you want, or what would make this the perfect love celebration!  We are not mind readers!  We can't help to fulfill another's needs when we do not know what they are.  I've been known to start a conversation with, "OK, I have to talk to you about something, and this is what I need you to say..."  Sounds presumptuous or unromantic, perhaps, but often that's what's necessary to get what we need.
.... Plan together.  The chances of someone else pulling off your idea of the perfect date are slim to none.  Sometimes the planning is the best part. 
.... Be prepared for possible disappointments.  Hey, sometimes things don't go as planned or as expected.  It's all good.  Agree that the perfect date can happen another time (the spontaneous moments are usually the best and most memorable, anyways).

If you don't currently have a person:
.... The possibilities are endless!!!  This is your chance to create the Valentine's experience that is perfect for you, and you don't even have to be considerate of anyone else!!  Dress up and go out for dinner, buy yourself flowers and chocolate, stay home in your cozies and watch that movie that no one else likes, get an early night, eat a pint of ice-cream...  Whatever you want this occasion to be, you can make it that!  The key is to prioritize yourself.  You don't need someone else to make you feel loved.... indeed, no one else is able to make you feel loved, until you allow yourself to feel worthy of that love. 

Celebrating love does not have to be romantic:
.... Celebrate the day with family or friends.  There is nothing more pure than the love shared between family members or dear friends, and there is nothing more genuine or joyful than celebrating that love.  If you really want to treat yourself, spend some easy going, low expectation time with a good friend or two. 

As Fred Rogers so wisely said:

Self-Love.  Self-Compassion. 
You can't pour from an empty cup.  Take care of you.  💖




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Time and Space and Everything in Between

Image
I think it's time for an update on our lives with Mum. Since August of 2022, things have been going very well down in Virginia. Anna moved to stay with her in August of '22.  The idea was to live rent free, while helping to take care of Gamma, saving some money, and paying off some of her bills.  It's been a very symbiotic relationship, and Anna has done a tremendous job. They have done a lot of walking, dog training, outings to wild areas and conservatories.  They have had regular meditation sessions, and done painting together.  The jigsaw puzzles have not been so appealing to Gamma, but we keep trying.   Gamma is losing her ability to converse effectively.  This is stressful for her, because she likes to stay in touch with her friends and family.  Fortunately, folks are doing their best to reach out to her, often. She is also not reading as much as she used to. Reading was always one of Mum's hobbies, but now she is struggling to remember what she h...
Read more

All is Well

Image
  Mum often calls me with concern in her voice, over one thing or another.  I'll spend some time chatting with her and we will end our conversation by repeating to each other, "all is well."  These three little words have become words of comfort to Mum and me, since the poem of the same name, by Henry Scott-Holland, was shared with me after my father's death.  The end of the poem says,  Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval,  Somewhere very near,  Just around the corner,  All is Well For Mum and me, these words are a comforting reminder that Dad is here, still a part of our lives, and that all is completely well.  These words, have become something of a mantra when we are maneuvering through life's challenges.  Gamma - so many of us know her as Gamma - has dementia.  We've seen it coming for a while, and it was recently made official.  The diagnosis, in my mind, changes...
Read more

Taking Time to Remember

Image
My grandfather passed away a month before Christmas when I was ten.  It was my first experience with the death of someone close to me, and my heart was broken in to pieces.  Granddad had been living with us through the end stages of his lung cancer.  Every evening before I went to bed, I sat with him to chat about the day.  He used to watch a TV program called "Songs of Praise," and I remember the sound of a choir singing hymns floating around our home.  Because of the season of his death, the carol, "In the Bleak Midwinter" has always taken me back to those precious evenings developing a closeness with my Granddad that was destined to break my heart.  My father died on a Wednesday morning at 5:45am. For several months afterwards, on Wednesdays, at 5:45am, as I was running up the hill towards my home, I would hear a particular song on my playlist. The song continues to hold special meaning - along with several others - and I continue to hear it played a...
Read more