I Love Yous don't come with Buts...


Not to be mean, but...
I don't mean to be rude, but...
I love you, but... 

To me, these "clarifiers" are like fingernails on a blackboard. This type of clarification is a manipulative behavior that is an attempt to make people believe that you are not mean, rude, or unloving, when, in fact, you are giving ample warning that that is exactly what you are about to be:

Not to be mean, but...(I'm about to be mean.)
I don't mean to be rude, but...(I'm about to be rude.)
I love you, but...(I'm about to say something unloving.) 

It's gaslighting, albeit a mild form of gaslighting (if there is such a thing). It's not ok. 

Love is such a vital component to our overall health and well being that we can't afford to cheapen it in any way. We have a responsibility to protect and nurture love. 

Love plays no part in hurting people, demeaning them, or causing them to feel humiliated or worthless.

Genuine love is precious, sweet, and kind. Love is unconditional, accepting of faults and imperfections. Love is calm, soothing, love can heal our body, our heart and our spirit. Love sees beauty, love is the antidote for loneliness. Love brings people together. Love causes smiles and mutual feelings of affection, warmth, respect. Love is fluid, ever changing, yet adaptable. Love is magical, beautiful, and overwhelming. Love is a gift. Love is so big, that it defies definition and boundary. 

Love is a choice, a decision, an action, a commitment. When we choose to offer and commit our love, we must make that decision with the utmost reverence. 

Love is so dynamic, so vast, so complicated, so difficult to understand and explain, that entire religions were formed with love as the foundation. 

Love is most definitely an enigma...and there's one thing I'm sure of...

I love yous don't come with buts. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Time and Space and Everything in Between

Image
I think it's time for an update on our lives with Mum. Since August of 2022, things have been going very well down in Virginia. Anna moved to stay with her in August of '22.  The idea was to live rent free, while helping to take care of Gamma, saving some money, and paying off some of her bills.  It's been a very symbiotic relationship, and Anna has done a tremendous job. They have done a lot of walking, dog training, outings to wild areas and conservatories.  They have had regular meditation sessions, and done painting together.  The jigsaw puzzles have not been so appealing to Gamma, but we keep trying.   Gamma is losing her ability to converse effectively.  This is stressful for her, because she likes to stay in touch with her friends and family.  Fortunately, folks are doing their best to reach out to her, often. She is also not reading as much as she used to. Reading was always one of Mum's hobbies, but now she is struggling to remember what she h...
Read more

All is Well

Image
  Mum often calls me with concern in her voice, over one thing or another.  I'll spend some time chatting with her and we will end our conversation by repeating to each other, "all is well."  These three little words have become words of comfort to Mum and me, since the poem of the same name, by Henry Scott-Holland, was shared with me after my father's death.  The end of the poem says,  Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval,  Somewhere very near,  Just around the corner,  All is Well For Mum and me, these words are a comforting reminder that Dad is here, still a part of our lives, and that all is completely well.  These words, have become something of a mantra when we are maneuvering through life's challenges.  Gamma - so many of us know her as Gamma - has dementia.  We've seen it coming for a while, and it was recently made official.  The diagnosis, in my mind, changes...
Read more

Taking Time to Remember

Image
My grandfather passed away a month before Christmas when I was ten.  It was my first experience with the death of someone close to me, and my heart was broken in to pieces.  Granddad had been living with us through the end stages of his lung cancer.  Every evening before I went to bed, I sat with him to chat about the day.  He used to watch a TV program called "Songs of Praise," and I remember the sound of a choir singing hymns floating around our home.  Because of the season of his death, the carol, "In the Bleak Midwinter" has always taken me back to those precious evenings developing a closeness with my Granddad that was destined to break my heart.  My father died on a Wednesday morning at 5:45am. For several months afterwards, on Wednesdays, at 5:45am, as I was running up the hill towards my home, I would hear a particular song on my playlist. The song continues to hold special meaning - along with several others - and I continue to hear it played a...
Read more