Whispered Words of Wisdom...

 

Every so often, someone says something to you, and it sticks.  During some of my darker moments, one of my coping strategies has been to collect quotes and memes.  I've got digital albums full of them.  The one above has been particularly helpful when supporting other people, including my kids.  Because it's true, everything is figureoutable, and that's one reason why worry and anxiety are such fruitless occupations of the mind.  Even though, as a family, we have faced some difficult and heartbreaking situations, we've always come out the other side - usually better and stronger for it.  The alternative - not coming out the other side - is unthinkable. So, let's just say, figureoutable stuck with me.  

 Early into my first year of grad school, the guy I thought I was going to marry broke up with me, seemingly out of the blue.  Devastated, obviously, I spent a couple of days asleep before I simply had to eat!  At the time, I lived in an apartment building that employed a doorman.  He was a fantastic guy, Theo was his name, and the ex-boyfriend and I always engaged in conversation on our way in and out of the building.  Some days after the break up,  Theo noticed that I was coming in and out by myself.  He pulled me aside and asked me if I was OK.  I told him the story, and he shook his head;  "Never fall in love so hard that you love them more than they love you."  Don't get me wrong, he didn't mean that you shouldn't love someone with your whole heart, he meant, don't fall so hard that you spend your life desperately chasing after love and affection from someone who is not going to honor your heart.  That advice was delivered to me in 1989, and believe me, it stuck.  

You may not believe this (sarcasm), but I spent the better part of 15 years obsessing over my kids' academics.  I will make my public apology to my son now, because there is no doubt he was the most affected by this, my greatest parental wrongdoing.  (I'm sorry Willie... I'll be eternally grateful and impressed that you made your own way to success in spite of me.) At the time, I confided in a coworker frequently, also the parent of kids of the same age range as mine.  In one of her emails to me, she said, "I wouldn't trade my average kids with all their AMAZING insight into life and situations around them and warped humor for all the valedictorians in the world, and neither would YOU!! Our kids are going to do just fine in life, and probably be happier and more satisfied.  Who needs the stress of perfection?"  This was in 2014, and stuck so hard that the quote has been posted near my desk ever since:

(It did, however, take another couple of years before I could be considered in remission from my obsession.) 

I'll never forget riding in an elevator with my son, then a freshman in college, and him saying to me, "I hate when people say they're proud of someone else.  Like, you can't be proud of someone else, you didn't have anything to do with what they did. That's like taking pride in, or taking credit for something you didn't do. You can be proud for yourself and your own accomplishments."  So that message was loud and clear, and from that day forward, I've worked hard at not saying that I'm proud of someone.  I'll say, "Great job!", "That's impressive!", "I'm impressed with how you've....", "You should be proud of all you have done!", "I'm so happy for you."... Statements like these give the credit where the credit is due. 

Somewhere at the peak of my wrestling match with anxiety, this one hit a nerve.  It was originally shown on the image of a woman meditating. For my depiction, I decided that these crashing waves are the perfect metaphor.  Water is such a powerful force, and ocean waves are strong, forceful, dangerous, and completely out of our control...  but what is a sound that so many of us turn to, to induce or enhance relaxation?  Where do so many of us go for a week of de-stressing?  To. The. Beach.  You see, it's ok to not freak out when things are out of your control.  Sometimes those out of control elements become the most beautiful and awesome moments of our lives.  Relax... nothing is under control.  It's easier than you think.  

Stan Pearson is a motivational speaker and entrepreneur who once came to speak to students and faculty at our school district.  Unless you live under a rock, or you (wisely) choose not to engage on social media, you know that things have gotten a little murky out there...  A little negative, at times.  A couple of months ago, Stan posted the above, and it resonated with me, immediately!  I get to create the emotional environment in which I wish to exist!  Choosing the content for that environment is up to me...  I need to be intentional about what I allow in to my life, and I need to be intentional about keeping my "mind sound, and filled with positive and fruitful experiences."

Finally, yes I know this has been a long one... Finally, if ever there was a time when we thirst for meaningful words of wisdom, it is now.  None of us have lived through a pandemic before, most of us have never had to quarantine, or had to make behavioral decisions in consideration of the health needs of those around us.  Obviously this is frustrating because our lives have been so drastically interrupted and altered.  We're all aware of how divisive this situation has become.  Several weeks ago, I ran in to a friend, and I was venting rather honestly about my feelings about some of the decisions being made about back-to-school plans, and the assumed (by me) rationales behind those decisions.  My friend simply and calmly said, "Yeah I know. This sucks for everyone."  I was stopped in my tracks by the simplicity of her statement.  Because, yes, this does suck for everyone.  It's hard for kids, for parents, it's hard for teachers, custodians, administrators...  Out in the community its even harder for business owners and their employees.  In a moment where I was focusing on myself and my own concerns, my friend had enough peace in her heart to be mindful of the concerns of others.  And that's when I chose to be intentional about not getting frustrated with how others are handling their own situations.  Grace.  This is a time to be intentional about Grace. Forgiveness. Kindness. Love.  Remember, this sucks for everyone, and treat people with the understanding that everyone is doing the best they can for themselves and their families.  

What words of wisdom have stuck with you over the years?  I'd love to hear them...  

By the way, remember to include yourself in this time for Grace.  Show grace to yourself, and as always, take care of you. 💖