Do Mommies Really Cook?

He came to my office for a moment.  He was having a bad morning, and was finding it hard to stay under control.  He had found himself in a spot of trouble. When he entered, he immediately fell prey to the soothing colors and soft furniture in my office.  We talked, 'though he never once made eye contact.  He told me that if he told the truth at home, then they wouldn't be mad at him. He told me how his older sibling blames him and tries to get him in trouble.  He told me that he likes to be with his daddy, and that his mommy is sick a lot.  After some moments of quiet, he tilted his head to one side and asked, "Do mommies really cook?"

He came to my office for a moment.  It was a moment that changed my week.  

"Be kind to one another, for all of us are fighting a hard battle."  It's probably the quote I see most often shared on social media.  We all get it... but do we live it?   

There are a hundred new stories like this one every year.  Kids like him often enter my world when I've reached some sort of business as usual plateau in my work.  The small humans revert back to being cookie-cutter students in rows, with words to sound out and math facts to practice.  Then, one of those students says something profound or asks a heart wrenching question, and I'm reminded for the umpteenth time that they are small humans with whole lives outside of our school, and they have stories. 

The fifth grader, when asked what he would spend $2920 on (part of a Red Ribbon Week lesson... it's about how much you'd spend in a year if you smoked a pack of cigarettes a day):

"I'd buy my dad a car."

"Really?  Does your dad need a car?"

"Yes."

The kindergartener when asked what it means to be 'brave:'

(So quiet and earnest) "It means to have courage."

The fourth grader when asked how she felt about being back to school:

"I was OK, and then I wasn't feeling happy, and then I realized it was two years since my mom died."

The first grader who came to my room for a little time out:

"Do mommies really cook?"

All moments that made me stop to take a breath.  

As an educator, I'm reminded regularly, at trainings and such, that we are some of the most influential people in our students' lives.  I'm not debating that in the slightest, but what about their influence on me?

As an educator, you can work yourself to the bone to convince yourself that it's about teaching reading, math, scoring well on tests, and reinforcing appropriate behavior.  As a parent, you can work yourself to the bone to convince yourself that it's about milestones, straight As, being a scholarship athlete, a star musician. It's not.  It's about life, and love, and stories, and tiny little human hearts. Let's never forget how our own actions influence our students and our children, but let me ask you to be open to allowing those same students and children to influence you.  

"The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways."  I never met a difficult kid for whom this wasn't true. 

It's about life, and love, and stories, and tiny little human hearts. 

Take care of them.  Take care of you. 💖